Sailing My Soul

 
 They say you have to lose your life to gain it. I can say that wholeheartedly this is the Truth. I am finally breaking through, again lol. This year for me was all about transformation, learning, losing, gaining and seeing things for what they truly are and not what my delusions made them to be due to trying to protect myself. You cannot go through this world protecting yourself from hurt. I mean we are in Hell what did you expect? Reliving childhood trauma and even seeing it from my moms perspective has made me aware to the fact that I am the one to break the repeating cycle. Breaking the cycle of being okay with the bare minimum, the cycle of a broken household, the cycle of generational trauma, and the cycle of telling yourself it's okay when truly it's not. God broke me down to my core, put me into situations, placed me at the forefront of my trauma, and opened my eyes to the wickedness of people and this world because I had to see these things from a higher perspective. Not only that, it made me aware of the life that I don't want. I am really protected beyond the physical and to be aware of that is scary because I still have to operate out of Love. God vengeance is something I have seen first hand and it is not pretty but it isn't mine to implement. Having a direct connection to Him has taken the weight of the world off my shoulders because it isn't mine to carry no longer and if you are in tune you understand that when you are out of His presence it is the WORSE feeling ever! 

I have no reason to hide anymore, no reason to be the light encased within the dark. It's always a balance a direct oneness of all things. The dark is the light and vice versa. I see through everything and if in the moment my vision is cloudy I am not clouded for long. Thank God.

Speaking from a knowingness everyone who say they know God really don't KNOW God. Even Demons love God. They look just like me and you. The spiritual journey has become a fad but having people that God aligned me with to start gaining a connection without being overcrowded with the information that's out there has made this journey a little easier. The journey isn't anything like others know it as. It is a conscious journey, for me it is getting to know deep down what kind of person I portray myself as, who I really am, and the patterns I received from childhood and knowing the unhealthy ones so I am are able to not be consumed by them and break them. It's a journey of ups and downs, moving forward and backwards, twist and turns, and PLOT TWISTS! THE PLOT TWISTS BABY!!!! Life is really a movie and to play the side actor is so not cute I like writing the script (clearly) while God is directing. We are one. All in all I look around and see so many people portraying themselves like they did no wrong, entitled, and feeling as though the world deserves what they were put through. I have been through all the faces of portraying that it is easy to spot now. I am not perfect in no way, shape, or form but operating out of a space of love, honesty, and vulnerability now I understand that Love is truly the answer. Love hurts. Love heals. Love is everything and to operate and try to be it in this world you will see how God "feels" because you will be let down time and time again but through it all it doesn't stop me from loving myself and giving love, I'm going to keep loving and putting my best foot forward because I'm here as a reflection. I'm no longer ducking and dodging growth and accountability. Accountability has been something that's been hard for me, its easy to blame others for your downfalls but to take in account the role I played and how I let things get out of control has made me cautious in the way I treat people and myself. I am very fucking important. (Sorry mom) but I am! It's great to see that I am who I choose to be, whatever that maybe. My arc is finished and I am ready to sail it into 2023. What a time to be alive niggas. 

I still have a lot to learn but I have reaped what I sown this year. It's time to sow my new harvest <3.

I love yall.

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