The Truth... Hurts.

Art by: @GroovyChi

 January 5, 2023

As I sit here trying to figure out how to break this in, the repetition of the saying "sailing my soul" keeps coming to mind. What does this truly mean to me? I haven't explored this topic in depth but I feel the saying. So for me it's all about the journey the ups, downs, forward, and backward motions. The good, the bad, and everything in between. Usually I have been so adamant on trying to control the journey to not mess up but it is truly in the mess where you find the thing that takes you out of it. For me I rather not be in control, I rather not stress about tomorrow or my life in general because like I said in my poem the story is already written. If you take the ego out of it God wins. Which means I win. There is a quote from a video I seen that said, "crashing simply means you did indeed managed to soar". We so often have a tendency to recognize and validate our failures, our moments of crashing or hitting rock bottom. To hit rock bottom is to know that you did indeed soared. There is momentary grief at the bottom. Grief is love with nowhere to go. Where there is grief and despair there is love unnoticed but once you find the love in the dark or the light in the darkness you truly understand that it's okay to fall. It's okay to feel how you feel but there comes a time where it's time to soar again. I want to stay on top but that's impossible considering the fact we are in a world of chaos. It's in the chaos where you have to still be able to see love, be love and be loved. For me this year will be me remaining transparent, vulnerable, and staying in integrity. The Truth has set me free from a lot of lies. I have to look at things like they're their own entity. A being if you will. Being open, transparent, and vulnerable is the thing I want to cling onto this year because locking away my darkness had made me into a person that guarded myself from everyone because I was guarding me from me. I was scared of the Truth. The Truth that I will never be perfect, I will never be able to stay on "top", I will never be able to continue to riding without hitting a bump in the road. I am sometimes going to be the angel in the Heavens or with the demons in the dark. Both the same at the end of the day because there is love in both.

Sayings like "What's done in the dark will always come to light," hits home for me because beginning of last year my instability showed, my unreadiness showed, my ego showed, my mental health showed. I wasn't ready to face and accept my assignment. When seeking God I had to come to realize that we do indeed need to hurt. We do need to feel pain. Heartbreak. Betrayal. All of these things shape us and dealing with these things made me want to find the wisdom in forgiveness. True forgiveness is not forgetting anything but forgiving yourself for the momentary lapse in judgement, it is another way to prove you cannot guard yourself from the pain that tomorrow brings. I accept that on this new journey I will be hurt. Love needs forgiveness. Forgiveness for how I treated myself like I didn't matter, like my life is worthless. In reality I never needed to be seen when I'm validated by GOD. I don't seek validation anymore for my accomplishments me still being on this Earth is an accomplishment alone. Y'all only want to celebrate life when there is death. I'm dying everyday and nobody celebrating me. Nobody celebrating me for making it another day. That's the problem people only want to deem someone worthy for accomplishing something. What about me making it another full 24 hours isn't worth it? The present really has saved me its a gift due to the fact I am living man and that's the hardest part. I know my writings be everywhere but I don't construct my writing to be professional this is what comes straight off the doom. 

I am loving the fact that I accept and I'm learning to validate my existence on this plane as being enough. I'm learning to validate others existence as enough for me. I'm praised and validated in the Heavens and that's all I care about.  I am letting everyone be who they are this year. If you hate do it to the fullest capacity and if you love do that just the same. There is no in between because I am not dealing with people who serve two masters because it's quite impossible. If you're in the middle you're just a demon parading yourself as Jesus. A wolf in sheep's clothing. I am going to be blessed with people that accept not just the good me but the "bad" me as well. I am content on solitude because being vulnerable is the rarest form of me and not everybody is content with treating people how they want to be treated. Anything that doesn't serve my highest greatness will remove itself on it's own and it will be left bare. I saw a video that said, "this year be bold like Jesus when he said "Satan get behind me,"" Chile I lost it lol. Sometimes the demons we are fighting are in the ones we love the most. The doubtfulness people place on you, the past moments of hitting rock bottom people continuously remind you of, and etc. The things you are trying to escape will keep coming to try you. We in hell... you not exempt from temptation. That's why I talked about accepting your falls in temptation we ain't perfect man. I'm not trying to be no perfect bible christian. I'm not trying to be placed in any religion at all. I'm me and that's all I got to be. 

There is truly Heaven on Earth and finding it has been making life in Her bearable. (I didn't mean to type in Her but if you been reading you'd understand the switch). Like I said there is light in the dark and vice versa. Love is here on Earth you want it to come to you but you haven't let the Truth set you free. 

I wish y'all saw how God truly sees you. 

I love y'all.

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