Why So Serious?
As I continue on this journey of life I have finally woken up to the fact that most people are stuck in cycles of their own consciousness and circumstances. Most of our time is spent unconsciously creating from our inner world and then it gets projected to our outer world. At 23 years of age I woke up again. This is my 6th year doing this but it's different. I wake up and get rocked back to sleep again right back into previous cycles. While I am awake right now I am exploring why this keeps happening to me, where it stems from, and how I can break free. True peace is true silence, where everything is heard and silent at the same time. Before I dive deep I want to expand on my first sentence, understand we are born into a cycle of the people that came before us. We are mostly molded by them on how to think, act, and be. What about the real me though?
The Parable of the Cycle
From Day One, she was placed in hiding, she was sat at a table, given cards, with others around her that she didn't even know and told to play. This is important for you to know, she was given no rules, just told to pray, watch, and learn. The other players in this game were more advanced than her, they left some gems along the way but never the full truth.
I never saw anybody get up from the table or even win a game for that matter, everyday the same, everyone playing the cards they were dealt. I was tired of this game it got boring, something felt off, everybody around me just living a life unfulfilled, I saw an opportunity to break free and I did, multiple times, but no matter what I realized along the way I was back at the table with the same cards, same people, same game, and still no winner. They remained at the table lifeless, bound by the circumstance of comfortability. Was I next to be bound to this table? Who orchestrated this game? Where's the author of this story that keeps getting written generation after generation? I cried out, I screamed, and I hollered. God heard me and answered.
You know we often ask God to put us in certain experiences to see, feel, and embody what we think we want, what we think will lead us closer to Him, what we think will heal us only to find out that all the roads we take lead back to Him, so why not just go straight and narrow. I was born into a game I never got the rules for, cards dealt to me that I didn't even know were cards. Everybody says they understand what generational curses are but truly I tell you, you don't understand. I came out fighting a war I never signed up for. We all want to be a front line soldier for God until its time to stand front line, it's a generational curse for a reason, the ones before either didn't answer the call or were too deep in/unaware to even know one is taking place and manifesting itself, generation after generation. Why didn’t/don’t you answer the call?
I can say that as someone who has decided I want out, it's a shame that we still pretend we dont know what's going on. Prophecy is being filled daily and you still turn your face from God? We still decide to live a lie. I woke up, again. When I ask God for an experience, sometimes I get lost in the movie, thinking that what I am doing is actually me not realizing I am just observing. Paeshyns is doing, God is being, Spirit is watching. The 3/3=1. What a blessing it is for our transgressions to be blotted out. What a blessing it is to be spirit first! What a blessing it is that God takes into account the heart and not the flesh! What a blessing it is to know the TRUTH! I asked God to save me from myself because I knew the credits were about to roll. The end of an era. Impending doom even. My heart is free but my body is a prison. I have lived many lives. As I reflect on my writings they were laid out for me to remember to understand that I am in the world and not of it but what if I am tired of it all together? Death is better than bondage so why do I choose to come back to Earth's prison? Heaven is within arms reach and I was half way in and halfway out. Yall niggas not tired enough for me. The curse is the cycle, the generational curse is a cycle and you either will choose to stick on the hamsters wheel or remove yourself and be free. The hamster knows he can come off at any moment even when the momentum is high. What the hamster doesn't know is that with God you will always stick the landing no matter how fast you're going, even when you feel like you're in too deep. I realized I never am in too deep because I can jump off the wheel and I jumped.
I have gone through Hell just to see Heaven multiple times. I come back and remember, I document everything for this exact reason to remember that this is all for a quest of knowledge to know thy self approved. You ever wonder why deja vu happens? You've been here before, same cycle, same people, same trauma, same story plot. A few added scenes and characters to throw you off but it's the same spirits. What a blessing it is to be awake. My people knew what they were signing me up for, that's what hurts the most!
I think back on the times where I truly knew in my heart that I was following God's will and voice for my life and was judged harshly whether it be outwardly or in spirit. Everybody told me to stop running not knowing that I am running to freedom, salvation, my promised land, something y'all were too afraid to do. Relying on MAN to get you to Heaven's gates will have you running right up to the Devil's door. What a blessing it is to see your people go against you but God still has a hold on you! What a blessing it is to be one with the Most High God. What a blessing it is to not have to die to see, hear, and be with God!
Picture this, you get sat at a table, cards placed in your hands you never asked for, and told to play the hand you were given, everybody knows how to play but you, everyone around you has experience with this game but you. Nobody is telling you the rules or even how to break free. Half truths of this game will be given to you along the way. Thats the world were born into. Do you think thats fair?
I still love yall.
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