I Got A Bone To Pick With A Skeleton Me

 

As I continue on my journey I am going through three main stages. Life, Death, and Creation. Since a child I am programmed to like certain things, be a certain way, do certain things without ever taking a thought of who I truly am. Going through this cycle brings up my egos which are represented by the head necklace on the image of Kali Ma above. She has slayed these egos and has considerably become what I see as the Demons Queen. She isn't a demon and neither am I, I am the Queen of these mfs! We all have our vices which can be considered and what I identify as my demons. These demons can represent many different things but most importantly for me they are a way to self transformation. Once I identify what they are I can create them to serve another purpose in my life. I have a problem with overthinking, overanalyzing, and just overall trying to be perfect knowing that's not possible. I didn't see it as such a problem but this actually hinders me tremendously because doing these things has made me create unrealistic expectations of myself. This is probably one of my biggest demons that I am dealing with everyday. I got this unrealistic expectation from my childhood of always trying to be greater and people putting high expectations on me. Yes it is good y'all see me this way but trying to live up to this has created a demon that now I have to deal with. So many of our older generation set such high expectations on their kids because they couldn't do it themselves. This isn't fair because when we don't meet those expectations we are seen as failures which in turn puts kids into a depressive hole. When I stopped making honor roll and just doing average I didn't get the same praise as I did before, this hurt me because nobody asked me why? Just criticizing and telling me to do better. Not acknowledging the fact that I was making it through regardless. Now that I have confidence within myself I know I can do all things.

I was so keen on protecting my outer man by trying to be what everyone expected and wanted me to be while my inner man was dying. I am learning to understand that it's okay to rest, it's okay to not do all the things and pile so much on me, and it's okay to do my best and be happy with the outcome. Nigga I been literally cutting my heads off! Shedding the layers of fake shit I put on to try to fit in. Walking through the valley of the shadow of death nigga but I don't fear this shit anymore. As soon as I hear the inner voices trying to tell me something different they get cussed tf out with love of course! Don't stand by and let your demons tell you who and what you are!

"I don't accept glory from human beings'' (John 5:41). What y'all think this means? Well for me it means I don't need praise from others to feel worthy! I don't need others to accept me as I am. I accept me for me! This is what we need to learn as a people. It doesn't matter what kind of shit you got, who are you as a person? This is what I look at cause most of the time the people that identify themselves with their possessions and achievements have a closet full of demons. I'm not saying I don't like positive affirmations and for people to recognize that I am doing a good job but that doesn't define who I am and it's nobody's fault but mine at this point if I let someone's opinions good or bad move me. But I tell you I truly could careless nigga I love me and I am continuing to learn how to love me! I am nowhere near perfect and I am not trying to be perfect, just want to be who God made me to be.

You can't serve two masters so who you serving your demons or your higher self?

I love y'all!

Previous

Next