The Battle of the Soul 2

 

In my poem "All Eyes On Me" I stated that the child supersedes the parent. I say this because as a parent you want your kid to be better than you but what happens when their love for you becomes a obligation? It breeds hate. To heal from my perception of my childhood trauma I had to stop looking at my parents as people that were going to take care of me for my entire life. I had to look at them as regular people, that had their own struggles, wants, vices and needs just like I did. I was cared for, loved, fed, and clothed but that doesn't mean things weren't happening that could easily be forgotten or forgiven at the time. After a certain point when I started to find my way in life and I started messing up, I felt entitled to my mothers help. Parents are here to give the child the necessary tools to live without them. The family structure is so broken sometimes parents aren't able to teach us the things necessary to be on our own due to the fact it becomes an obligation to make sure that the basic necessities are met. I wan't us to look at a bible scripture really quick to understand the message I am trying to convey. Let me say this for the Bible haters most of you don't even actually take the time to ponder on the words and relate it to your own lives or even know what God is, the Bible is meant to be read whilst in the spirit but I digress.

Matthew 10: 35-38

35 I have come to set a man against his father, and a daughter against her mother, and a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law— 36 a man’s worst enemies will be right in his own home! 37 If you love your father and mother more than you love me, you are not worthy of being mine; or if you love your son or daughter more than me, you are not worthy of being mine. 38 If you refuse to take up your cross and follow me, you are not worthy of being mine.

This is not to be read in a different light it means exactly what it is stated. My parents were made to nurture me up to a point where I could start finding my own way without them. I am not supposed to love them to the point where I lose myself and they aren't supposed to love me til the point they lose themselves which for the parent happens often. The generational curse started with the breaking up of the home, it started with loving the kids because you made them but when things get hard or the parents split up they turn into obligations and the egos of the parents get in the way of the love. This had to happen for me to understand that I can only view the God in me as the one that will be here with me for eternity. They made a decision to live for me for a period of time but I cannot live for them or I wouldn't be able to fully flourish. This might seem selfish due to me writing in the spirit at times so let me put it in "better" terms they don't have the authority in Gods eyes to make every decision for me, they don't have the authority to live my life. Nobody does but my soul. I was and still am a spirit before I am a human. Spirit is eternal it is before creation my physical humanity and existence is not. So the things that dwell in my existence is not to be put before my soul. 

Contrary to before I don't disrespect my parents and I do listen to them because they are still an elder in terms of living in this physical world and they have given me the insight I needed to flourish and I also don't treat them lesser than. I love them. I love my whole family dearly even the ones that didn't set a good example, and I cherish them dearly but I don't live for them. I have to bear my own cross because if I don't I lose the most precious thing and that is my soul. The generational curse stops here. I stepped into the light. The name was given to me for a reason I had to have patience and I needed to value my soul. Shoutout my mom for the name and my old hair braider for the spelling! 

If you aren't understanding the aspect of the soul ponder on this, take away your name matter of fact take away being human away as a whole what is left? If you say nothing, nothing is something. So the question is what is that something?

I love y'all.

Previous

Next